The road I have chosen has been anything but easy, yet I still remain.
For the past month all my efforts, struggles and feelings of "this constant uphill" battle had left me weary, edgy and ready to give up. Yes you read correctly, I told my daughter that if we can't find a new place then I guess we will pack it up and move back to California.
I was blessed to be able to get away and visit my sweet Kevin. It was just what I needed, time to relax, sight see, enjoy delicious food and LAUGH! Upon returning back to the city I had to remind myself why I moved here. Looking out the window I saw this beautiful city and it was at that moment I remembered, I came to pursue my dreams.
A simple dream but one I have put off for far too long, my education and new career. This city is ready to kick you down and spit you out all the while tossing your dream in your face! I'm choosing to fight for what I came here for and to be able to call this place home for the next 4 years. I won't move back...not yet!
I shook off the heavy bands of weariness and clothed myself with a garment of praise. I will praise my King now for the doors He is opening, opportunities He is creating and a life I am to embrace...for now.
Psalms 62:1 "I find rest in God; only He can save me. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will NOT BE DEFEATED."
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Decisions
I was at a fork in the road and I had to make a decision. So knowing I could no longer put this off I stopped what I was doing and sat on the edge of my bathtub and cried. I cried out to the Lord asking for His direction, guidance and telling Him how I’m tired of making decisions alone. So on top of this huge decision (to me) my feelings of being lonely began to spill over. I’m 38 Lord and I’ve NEVER been married! Ugh… No more big decisions alone… they are too costly and the weight of these choices weigh heavy on me, so for a good 15 maybe 30 minutes I cried and laid it all out, explaining to my Father.
There are times when I feel His presence stronger than the person who is standing next to me, and then there are times when I must stand in faith and know that He is there and He will continue to lead me. Frustrated with the situation of my personal life I believe I make it difficult to hear the voice of God. The Lord reminded me of what He shared with me before I left California. He said that there will be times that I won’t feel Him as strong as others but that He is calling me to a high place. I believe I am living that out now.
I have had enough winter (death) in my life and am more than ready to welcome in spring (life) so with faith I walk toward a new life in this city…a new home. My dear friend told me yesterday that “He is lining your life up to what He has planned for you.” Before she even said that to me that was the feeling I was having with all these changes that I am putting myself through once again. But changes that will welcome in a new season….life and life more abundantly!
So Lord open the doors and bless my efforts, lead me and I WILL follow you!
There are times when I feel His presence stronger than the person who is standing next to me, and then there are times when I must stand in faith and know that He is there and He will continue to lead me. Frustrated with the situation of my personal life I believe I make it difficult to hear the voice of God. The Lord reminded me of what He shared with me before I left California. He said that there will be times that I won’t feel Him as strong as others but that He is calling me to a high place. I believe I am living that out now.
I have had enough winter (death) in my life and am more than ready to welcome in spring (life) so with faith I walk toward a new life in this city…a new home. My dear friend told me yesterday that “He is lining your life up to what He has planned for you.” Before she even said that to me that was the feeling I was having with all these changes that I am putting myself through once again. But changes that will welcome in a new season….life and life more abundantly!
So Lord open the doors and bless my efforts, lead me and I WILL follow you!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Dreams
When I find myself losing heart and wondering if I will truly achieve what I set out to accomplish I remind myself of places I've been and one day what I would like to own. My heart will always be in Italy, for many reasons that country holds a firm grip on my affections, so one day I would love to own a villa. A place I can spend writing, reading, taking long walks, taking pictures, listening to music while I bask in the beauty that surrounds that country.
So weary I may be but my dreams are alive, one day...one day soon....
Friday, April 2, 2010
Emotions
So what do you do when the rug has once again been pulled out from under you? How will you react when the direction of your life has changed and you find it difficult adjusting to your new situation? What do you do when you feel….nothing? When the lifeline you have clung to so tightly has gone silent.
I know the current events in my life are to no surprise to my Savior so why do I feel like I’m clinging to hope? There have been days when I open my bible and everything sounds Greek to me, I find myself wandering through the pages searching for inspiration, guidance, hope and promises.
I WILL NOT BE GOVEREND BY MY EMOTIONS!
The facts are as so:
He loves me.
He died for me and rose on the third day.
He created me with a purpose.
He has a plan for my life.
He will never leave me nor forsake me.
When my new situation occurred I asked the Lord, “Really?” I thought I had proven my faith, trust and ability to follow your guidance. But could I do it again? The answer is always YES. Yes I will follow you, yes I will wait on you, yes I will always trust Your plan and YES I believe and always believe in what you are doing in and through me. You are my breath of fresh air; you are my noon day sun.
Even when it feels like death surrounds you. Death in your finances, relationships, hope, faith and future know that "Sunday" will always come. There will always be a resurrection in the areas of our lives that we feel have died or grown dormant as long as we hold on to His word.
Resurrection Sunday is just around the corner…you must hold on to His promises, keep the faith and know a rebirth is coming!
Isaiah 65:24 “I will provide for their needs before they ask, and I will help them while they are still asking for help.”
Isaiah 66:7, 9 “A woman does not give birth before she feels the pain; she does not give birth to a son before the pain starts.” “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.”
I know the current events in my life are to no surprise to my Savior so why do I feel like I’m clinging to hope? There have been days when I open my bible and everything sounds Greek to me, I find myself wandering through the pages searching for inspiration, guidance, hope and promises.
I WILL NOT BE GOVEREND BY MY EMOTIONS!
The facts are as so:
He loves me.
He died for me and rose on the third day.
He created me with a purpose.
He has a plan for my life.
He will never leave me nor forsake me.
When my new situation occurred I asked the Lord, “Really?” I thought I had proven my faith, trust and ability to follow your guidance. But could I do it again? The answer is always YES. Yes I will follow you, yes I will wait on you, yes I will always trust Your plan and YES I believe and always believe in what you are doing in and through me. You are my breath of fresh air; you are my noon day sun.
Even when it feels like death surrounds you. Death in your finances, relationships, hope, faith and future know that "Sunday" will always come. There will always be a resurrection in the areas of our lives that we feel have died or grown dormant as long as we hold on to His word.
Resurrection Sunday is just around the corner…you must hold on to His promises, keep the faith and know a rebirth is coming!
Isaiah 65:24 “I will provide for their needs before they ask, and I will help them while they are still asking for help.”
Isaiah 66:7, 9 “A woman does not give birth before she feels the pain; she does not give birth to a son before the pain starts.” “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.”
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Around Town
Here are some pictures of the girls and some new favorite stores I've found. I finally found a florist, she is located in Andersonville which is not far from my place. They're are all so friendly and have beautiful flowers to choose from, I always look forward to putting together a lovely bouquet for my place. Since there are more blue skies out lately we have enjoyed going downtown to our huge nine floor library and being able to explore the city. I hope you enjoy the updated pictures.
Ciao!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
That Was Ugly!
I can officially say that there was nothing gracious about how I handled my first winter here in the Windy City. For months all I wore were pants!! And layers upon layers of clothes, oh how dreadful. The wind would cut right through all the clothes I was wearing and there I was standing waiting for the L like a ball of fabric shivering.
I can look back now and laugh but while experiencing it I had not humor. Spring has arrived! The funny thing is for the first day of spring here in Chicago it SNOWED! You have got to be kidding me. Here I thought I could start putting away my winter clothes and bring out my sandals, heels, dresses and skirts but I was sadly mistaken. I was told that I can safely put winter gear away in early June. HUH??! Well there have been some scattered blue sky days and I have taken full advantage of them.
So maybe my first winter here wasn’t a smooth transition but I’m sure I’ll have it down in 3 more years…just in time for the Lord to move me again!
Isn’t life grand?!
I can look back now and laugh but while experiencing it I had not humor. Spring has arrived! The funny thing is for the first day of spring here in Chicago it SNOWED! You have got to be kidding me. Here I thought I could start putting away my winter clothes and bring out my sandals, heels, dresses and skirts but I was sadly mistaken. I was told that I can safely put winter gear away in early June. HUH??! Well there have been some scattered blue sky days and I have taken full advantage of them.
So maybe my first winter here wasn’t a smooth transition but I’m sure I’ll have it down in 3 more years…just in time for the Lord to move me again!
Isn’t life grand?!
Proverbs 17:22
"A happy heart is like good medicine..."
Praise It In
Recently I have found myself to be on autopilot. I don’t feel anything is wrong with that, someone once told me “we are creatures of habit” and I believe that to be true. In times of difficulty I have found comfort in routine. But when you’re waiting for the “season” to change in your life, it can take a toll on you.
All seasons come to an end but when that change occurs sometimes isn’t on the same time schedule as you would like. My faith is strong, my trust in the Lord is steadfast and my hope that a new season in my life will arrive is alive and thriving…yet I grow weary at times.
Then it hit me…get out of autopilot and DO something to usher that change in. So I did…
Initially my feelings were different from my words but the more I established who and what God has been to me a fire began to kindle and burn. You ARE my King, Savior, Guide and Comforter. You WILL NEVER leave me nor forsake me and I TRUST the plan you have for me, I may not understand but I know you have a purpose for all you allow in my life and with that understanding my trust in you remains steadfast.
So I thank you for opening the gates of blessing in my life. I thank you for blessing our new company, for my daughters and the plans they are making for their lives, I thank you that I am not the tail but the head, I thank you for the church you’re taking me to and the ministry you are preparing me for. I thank you that it is now “my time” to go back to school and hone in on my writing skills, and I thank you for allowing me to travel once again this year. May all I say and do bring honor to you Lord and prepare me for the people you will bring in my life, that I may be a living testimony of your love, redemption and purpose.
Psalm 16:7-11
“I praise the Lord because He advises me. Even at night, I feel His leading. I keep the Lord before me always. Because He is close by my side, I will not be hurt. So I rejoice and am glad. Even my body has hope, because you will not leave me in the grave. You will not let your holy one rot. You will teach me how to live a holy life. Being with you will fill me with joy; at your right hand I will find pleasure forever.”
All seasons come to an end but when that change occurs sometimes isn’t on the same time schedule as you would like. My faith is strong, my trust in the Lord is steadfast and my hope that a new season in my life will arrive is alive and thriving…yet I grow weary at times.
Then it hit me…get out of autopilot and DO something to usher that change in. So I did…
Initially my feelings were different from my words but the more I established who and what God has been to me a fire began to kindle and burn. You ARE my King, Savior, Guide and Comforter. You WILL NEVER leave me nor forsake me and I TRUST the plan you have for me, I may not understand but I know you have a purpose for all you allow in my life and with that understanding my trust in you remains steadfast.
So I thank you for opening the gates of blessing in my life. I thank you for blessing our new company, for my daughters and the plans they are making for their lives, I thank you that I am not the tail but the head, I thank you for the church you’re taking me to and the ministry you are preparing me for. I thank you that it is now “my time” to go back to school and hone in on my writing skills, and I thank you for allowing me to travel once again this year. May all I say and do bring honor to you Lord and prepare me for the people you will bring in my life, that I may be a living testimony of your love, redemption and purpose.
Psalm 16:7-11
“I praise the Lord because He advises me. Even at night, I feel His leading. I keep the Lord before me always. Because He is close by my side, I will not be hurt. So I rejoice and am glad. Even my body has hope, because you will not leave me in the grave. You will not let your holy one rot. You will teach me how to live a holy life. Being with you will fill me with joy; at your right hand I will find pleasure forever.”
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