Feelings...

Feelings. Tricky thing about them is that you can't rely on the state of emotions too much. What I mean by that is I remember hearing people say things like "Well if it's Gods will then things will work out" or "It must be God because its going so smooth". I don't believe such things. Since my recent journey has caused me to seek the Lord in a way that I never had before, I now understand my relationship with Him. The beauty about a personal relationship with the Lord is just that. Its personal. Its unique. My "walk" may not mirror yours or another believers but its true non the less. I have allowed my relationship to be freed from the strings of religion and now it soars. Funny thing happens when you take God out of the box that you put Him in. He is now free to show you His plans for your life. He is free to take you to your promise land. And that is where my journey is taking me.

June 2008 God said I would be moving to Chicago. At first I remember being very excited about it. Then September rolled around and I was suddenly questioning that decision. God did I hear you right? Or was I so desperate for change that I thought you said ok to my move? I remember thinking that it would be ok if I delayed my move for another year. But that would only make me feel anxious at just the thought of staying here in Modesto. Two months went by and I wrestled with God. In prayer and with my dear friend Becky (yes we have the same name) I would dance around the thought of staying and not moving...did I really hear God? She told me that with a God given dream the only way it comes to pass is keeping close to God. She said that Chicago is where God wants me and to stop questioning Him. I told her one day that I asked God "Have you not taken notice of the state of the economy?" Not looking to good God and you want me to move to Chicago? Really? Now? I'm leaving a good job to pursue my dream. My God given dream. Then God said "How many ways do I have to tell you this is where I am taking you?" "I'm not taking you to Chicago to fail. Trust me. For I'm leading you to your land of milk and honey." And I haven't questioned since.

I trust God. I'm leaving what I know here in California. I'm leaving my family and friends... my church and job. Because I know He has a plan for me and I want to see it fulfilled. Does that mean I still get unsure sometimes? Yes. Does that mean as the time gets closer to me leaving my job and taking my children to another state that I shake at that fact? Yes. I'm human. And I do realize that drastic change is coming not only to my life but to my children's. And as a mother I get concerned. But then I surrender that to the Lord and He comforts me. Gives me peace that all is well.

So no I don't believe that when God places you on a path that it will be smooth. Nor do I believe that when its God's will it will be easy. Because I have found in my own life that the struggles of life are beautiful opportunities for us to see God shine. My life's pains and lack have been Gods door to taking me to another step closer to Him. I have seen the Lord move on my behalf in my darkest hours. Broken and battered...there He has been. He was there when my heart was torn. He held me, sheltered me and healed me. My God has been the love of my life. And I will follow Him where He leads me.