Sightless

Since arriving in Chicago it has been a whirlwind. It doesn’t matter that I prayed and planned this move for a year, once leaving Modesto my life has felt like a constant shift. The ground never seemed to settle…nor have I. Once I said my good-byes to my friends and family everything has been moving, changing and adjusting. Lately I have felt sad. Not understanding what is going on or what my current position should be. First thing I knew was I had to get us here. Once that was completed it was all about getting the keys to our new home. Then we waited 6 days for the movers to deliver our belongings. In between that I was off shopping for cleaning supplies, basic necessities and food. I felt like the money was like water flowing through my hands and that concerned me. Finally our stuff arrived and it felt great to have our familiar belongings back. It took us three days to establish our new home. I have been sending my resume out and actively looking for work.

Its easy to forget why God brought me here. My main focus has been looking for work. Its easy to get discouraged and to lose hope. The last couple of days I have felt very sad. Today I had to stop….just stop. Do you know how hard it is to stop? My mind was racing with anxiety telling me that I have to find work. The money will run out and fast. That can’t happen God…I can’t stop. Not now. All the while I was losing my hope while I was rushing toward the goal. My feet stopped today. I had nothing to go forward with any longer. My joy left me and I forgot why I was here.

Forgive me Lord for forgetting how faithful you have been and continue to be. I remember it was you who gave me the desire to move and it has been YOU to open every door. You brought us here safely. You provided our new home. You arranged Michaels schedule so that he would be here with me the first two weeks so I wouldn’t freak out and get frustrated. You brought me here…and it wasn’t to fail! Forgive me for forgetting. You ask that I have faith the size of a mustard seed. That is what I have and I give it to you.

Ps. 30:11 “You changed my sorrow into dancing. You took away my clothes of sadness and clothed me in happiness.”

I see. I see the people around me. I hear them Lord. I see!