I know....

So I’ve been here for about six months and we are now into winter, this is what I know:

1.Don’t eat the yellow snow! (Ok I think everyone knows that)

2.That when it snows then rains then snows and rains again, that is a mixture for ICE!

3.When it’s so cold you ask the age old question “Do I really need it NOW?” to the basic needs of your home i.e. milk, eggs, toilet paper, etc.

4.It’s hard to stay “cute” and “fashionable” and stay warm during winter….I’ve been told it’s just not possible and I refuse to buy into the lie…but they might be right. (Don’t tell)

5.And you still have a choice to be happy or miserable. I can be upset about having to go outside in the cold or I can bundle up and get whatever needs to be done as quickly as possible so that I can return home and be warm once again.

“Were not in Kansas anymore Toto”

I feel that way as we are inching ourselves into winter here in the Windy City. I’ve been told that January and February are the coldest months and that I haven’t felt anything yet. Huh?! Are you kidding me?!

The girls and I are trying to adjust as gracefully as possible but it’s not always very graceful. I don’t think me walking like a penguin down the street, trying not to fall on the ice qualifies me as graceful. But this is my life for the next 4 to 5 years.

Tomorrow is Christmas and right now as I’m writing this entry my family is all at my Tia Martha’s home, enjoying great food and the warm company of family near and far. Do I wish I was there? Sure I do…but this is my life and I’m grateful I’m here.

So….no regrets! My only request is:

Lord keep me from the danger of myself. Keep me balanced Lord. Let me not be so ambitious that I leave you behind and in return lose it all. I don’t want this city if you’re not with me, I don’t want all I desire if I in return I have neglected my relationship with you. It’s your love that that gives me wings, your joy that strengthens me to continue forward, your peace that secures me when everything else is falling apart, its You that I seek and long to be with. You have been my healer and beacon…I move toward You….and I move with a purpose!

Ready. Set. GO!

The speed of my life has not slowed down and with the New Year fast approaching there are no plans of the pace changing, if anything it will increase. The past two weeks I have been rushing here and there. And on my days off I’m still out and about getting all that is needed in our home. The weather is extremely cold and every time I step out I am reminded that my California clothes will not due. Thanks to my sweet friend Jean she has made life a little more comfortable and we are eternally grateful for her generosity. Our beds are warm thanks to the flannel sheets she sent us and I’m staying a bit warmer with the thermals that she also gifted.

Last week we had the first snow of the season and the girls and I were like kids….looking and playing in the snow as if we had lived in the Sierra Dessert all our lives, it was comical. But we have all found a comfortable routine and everyone does their part.

The busyness of my schedule posed a problem. My time with the Lord was not like before and I feared I would allow that to continue. One day while at work I was telling the Lord how much I missed our time together, He said “I’m here, we can spend time now” and that is what I did.

Later on my ride home on the bus the Lord showed me that just like a marriage when changes happen couples get creative on how they spend time together. He shared that my schedule will only increase with the New Year and that I need to embrace the thought and flow with it. He also said that “we” just need to find new ways of enjoying time together. I love my Lord and how He guides me through my new life here….I am not alone!

Psalm 31:23a-24
“Love the Lord, all His saints! The Lord preserves the faithful….”
“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

Holiday Cheer

Some pictures of us at the Festival of Lights and pictures of our home. Enjoy!

FIGHT

“Not enough men have come, we cannot win.”
“No we cannot, but we will meet them in battle nonetheless.”
- King Théoden of Lord of the Rings

What I love most about those movies if the valor that is seen throughout the 3 films. I often thought how sad that that type of living is not often seen in today’s world. Living a life that is bigger than you, standing for a purpose that you may not see to the very end but knowing you were a part of it.

I was wrong. Valor is still living just not as evident as it was in times past. This is how I see valor in my world. I see it in the person who may get knocked down….but gets back up again. It’s in the person who goes after their dream even when everyone around them is telling them its time to let it go. I see it in the person who knows their life was meant for a purpose and even if they are in their latter years they seek that purpose out in order to fulfill it. Yes! Valor is still alive.

Last week I felt like the biggest blow had hit me since arriving in Chicago. This situation could have caused me to say “Well I gave it my best shot, guess I’ll go back to my family.” I could have looked at it and thought “I guess it’s just not meant to be”…but I didn’t! The moment I got the letter I went to my room and prayed. I told the Lord there is nothing I can do and I give it all to you. I trust you Lord and know you will provide for the need. I then returned to what I was doing and soon left for work. The next day was the hardest. I felt my emotions moving instead of holding firm to the knowledge that God will see me through this. I began to fall apart at work and rushed to the restroom to ask the Lord for His help. “Lord I don’t want to fail you in how I respond, I trust you Lord, give me the strength to walk this path.” And He did.

I remember when I was praying I said, “Lord if you want me to return to California I will” then I thought NO! I told the Lord I knew this was His will and I want it all! I’m not going to settle, Lord give me all that you promised! You said for me to prepare my barrels and that You will bring all my goals and dreams to pass and that you are bringing my husband. NOPE! I’m not going back…my feet only know how to move forward, so I want it all Lord. All that you have for me….I want it!

I believe that as Christians we sometimes lose the “fight” in us. But what if you’re living the life God wants for you and still blows come and knock you down? What will your response be? Will you fight for your hearts desire? Will you fight for your child’s salvation, for the restoration of your marriage, for a love to return to you for your spouse, for your dream? Will you fight or resign yourself to the thought that “I guess it was meant to be this way”?

I chose to fight!

“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.” Psalm 18:32-36

In Love

This emotion…Love, it gives you wings, you take flight wherever you are and no matter how grave any situation may become love gives you the strength to fly above it.

I’ve never know what it is to be married but I do know what it is to love with my whole being. I loved my ex in that way…with every fiber within me. And with no regrets I can look back with a smile because the fact is…I loved. The breakup was a life shifting experience and I wondered if I would ever love or one day experience marriage. But with God’s loving guidance I walked through the valley of healing, releasing all my pains, hopes and dreams that were all tied to that relationship.

Love give you wings…I have a pair of wings again but this time bigger, stronger and the tie runs deep.

I think of Him when I wake up. I go to Him when I’m hurting and He is the first one I look to when something funny occurs. I seek His guidance when facing a fork in the road. I try to stay aware of my relationship with Him, that there is always balance and that I don’t neglect it. I fear that I may get so caught up with day-to-day life that He would feel like I have pushed Him aside, when He deserves the very best. His love comforts me, strengthens me, and guides me. He is my confidant, He knows all my secrets and my deep hearts desire, He loves me even when I’m not deserving of it and He always desires the best for me.

I have known the Lord since I was a child but only until recently have I fallen in love with Him. Words fail me in describing what His love gives me…but it gives me more than I could ever have imagined. And yes I do know that one day I will know what it is to love in the context of marriage. How do I know this…because He promised that He is bringing him to me.

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm can fool you, and beauty can trick you, but a woman who respects the Lord should be praised.”

I have also fallen in love with my children. From the first day they entered my life, I loved them. This move has made the three of us come together in a way that I didn’t expect. They look out for me and try to make me as comfortable as possible, with my crazy work hours I see them make every attempt to bring ease to me. I sat them down not too long ago explaining that were not going to have a Christmas with presents this year but that I still want to decorate. So we hung up our stockings (it pained me to think that I won’t be filling them this year) Serena decorated our tree as we listened to Christmas music. They saw how I was sad that I wouldn’t be able to put presents under our tree and with that they said, “But we have each other and isn’t that what’s its all about”? I looked at them and agreed. I love them so much and am eternally grateful that the Lord allowed me to raise these beautiful ladies.

Love…its gives you wings. Release yourself to fly again!

Soldiers...Past and Present

Today is a day that we honor those men and women who have served and are currently serving our country. Those who have fought bravely and gave the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

I honor you! Thank you for fighting for my freedom. Because of your hard works and sacrifices my daughters and I are able to continue to exercise the freedoms we were born into living in this country. America may not be a perfect country....but what country is? I love the land that I call my home.

And to all the military men and women, may God Bless you and your families!

God Bless America!

John 15:13 "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for a friends."

I can GO!

My passport is one of my most treasured possessions. I remember opening the package and pulling out this blue pocket size pass. That’s what it was for me, a pass, I could go anywhere I please and this is what allowed me the freedom to. No longer are my desires to travel only a dream…I can do it now, I can GO! And I haven’t stopped ever since…and don’t plan on.

You know that is how I feel about the Lord. With Him I can do anything, go anywhere, and be anything I desire. He assures me that my time will come. He gives me the strength to continue forward and He fills the journey with moments of great joy, laughter and fond memories.

Since starting my new job I find myself needing to have balance. I come home late, so I go to bed late and thus wake up late. My two days off are Monday and Tuesday and I don’t want to spend them sleeping in…all the time. I need balance.

So it’s a chilly day here in the Windy City and even though I have things to attend to and can send Serena to handle all the “running around” we’re going to forgo all of that and enjoy this day. I’m going to stretch my legs out and take my dog for a walk. I may not be able to use my passport today but I will be able to explore this great city of mine.

Embrace the gypsy in you and allow the Lord to move you: mind, body and soul!