My computer was down for a while and that’s why I wasn’t able to update my blog. So much has happened and my life continues to pick up a quicker pace.
Regarding my job, well I stopped complaining and started looking for a new job. I have also found peace with the job I currently have. I think I hated it so much that I was part of the problem. I went into work already with a bad attitude or chip on my shoulder ready to explode on anyone who dared to speak with me. I hid myself in my “area” and got lost in my music but simmering with anger at the fact that THIS is MY job! After stepping back I realized I wasn’t “honoring my leaders” like the word tells us to. How could I honor such stupid, controlling, brown-nosing people? I knew my actions were not honoring the Lord and that grieved me. I asked the Lord to forgive me and to give me His peace, joy and love towards all those who surround me. I released my anger and once again placed my trust in the Lord. I told Him that if this is the place He wants me to be then I will stay. Thank God He gave me the “green light” to start looking for a new job but until then my attitude has changed. I’m now honoring my leaders, joy fills me and hope once again bubbles in me knowing that change is once again around the corner.
There are still days when I don’t understand how everything will “work out” but I try not to focus on that and I keep my eyes on the One who leads me. He has been my faithful companion and where ever He leads…I WILL FOLLOW!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
One foot in front of the other
What do you do when you feel like your being hit in all directions and haven’t caught your breath?
You put one foot in front of the other and keep walking in the direction you desire. What I’m learning is that you can’t stop bad things from happening, they just do sometimes. No one ever said it was going to be an easy road for me out here and thus far I’m convinced that it won’t be. When I first arrived and when “blows” would hit me my response was very different from what they are now. I would cry, fall to my knees and seek the Lord for comfort and answers. NOW…the blows still come and when they do I give it to the Lord and continue my journey because I know HE is in control. So with that I move forward. There is no point crying over the obstacles that I encounter, I must move forward! And with the Lords strength…I do.
There is a scripture in the Word that says, “…without vision my people perish.” I keep my vision (goals) close to me so I always know why I’m pushing myself when at times all I want to do is just….stop.
You put one foot in front of the other and ….MOVE.
I’m learning to find beauty in my journey, even in the moments where it challenges every fiber of my being; there is still beauty to behold!
Ps. 32:8 “The Lord says, “I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you.”
You put one foot in front of the other and keep walking in the direction you desire. What I’m learning is that you can’t stop bad things from happening, they just do sometimes. No one ever said it was going to be an easy road for me out here and thus far I’m convinced that it won’t be. When I first arrived and when “blows” would hit me my response was very different from what they are now. I would cry, fall to my knees and seek the Lord for comfort and answers. NOW…the blows still come and when they do I give it to the Lord and continue my journey because I know HE is in control. So with that I move forward. There is no point crying over the obstacles that I encounter, I must move forward! And with the Lords strength…I do.
There is a scripture in the Word that says, “…without vision my people perish.” I keep my vision (goals) close to me so I always know why I’m pushing myself when at times all I want to do is just….stop.
You put one foot in front of the other and ….MOVE.
I’m learning to find beauty in my journey, even in the moments where it challenges every fiber of my being; there is still beauty to behold!
Ps. 32:8 “The Lord says, “I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you.”
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Vitamin D
I’m not a person who has ever struggled with depression so when I was told about the “winter blues” that happens out here, I figured I wouldn’t have an issue with it. I thought I was above all of that. And of course I was wrong….dreadfully wrong! It hits you out of no where.
The first week of snow my daughters and I love it, thinking how beautiful the city looks covered by this soft white substance. Then weeks go by and it’s still snowing and COLD! A cold I had never experienced, it cuts right through you and no matter how much I try to layer on the clothes its still COLD! Soon enough I find myself not wanting to go outside unless I must and of course the majority of the time…I must. I notice I become edgy and not very friendly. I just want to get whatever I need done and hurry back home where it is warm. Then gloominess sets in and I’m feeling unmotivated to do anything…that’s right anything. I take a good hard look and need to figure out what is going on.
After speaking with some friends I find out I’m experiencing the winter blues. They suggest I take vitamin D. Next day I’m at GNC picking up not only vitamin D but vitamin C a multi-vitamin and fish oil. Aware of my mental and emotional state I start doing what I can to get myself out of this rut.
I daily take my vitamins, eat well and despite the fact that its crazy cold outside I get some exercise. I bought a funny travel book about women’s mishaps while on the road. It’s a great book! I listen to upbeat music, music that inspires me and takes me to places I have been and those I have yet to discover. I keep my mind looking ahead. Valentines Day, my BIRTHDAY (3/17), Spring, the sun shining on my face, wearing sundresses again and doing what my soul desires most….traveling!
So my friends… Vitamin D….its a must!
The first week of snow my daughters and I love it, thinking how beautiful the city looks covered by this soft white substance. Then weeks go by and it’s still snowing and COLD! A cold I had never experienced, it cuts right through you and no matter how much I try to layer on the clothes its still COLD! Soon enough I find myself not wanting to go outside unless I must and of course the majority of the time…I must. I notice I become edgy and not very friendly. I just want to get whatever I need done and hurry back home where it is warm. Then gloominess sets in and I’m feeling unmotivated to do anything…that’s right anything. I take a good hard look and need to figure out what is going on.
After speaking with some friends I find out I’m experiencing the winter blues. They suggest I take vitamin D. Next day I’m at GNC picking up not only vitamin D but vitamin C a multi-vitamin and fish oil. Aware of my mental and emotional state I start doing what I can to get myself out of this rut.
I daily take my vitamins, eat well and despite the fact that its crazy cold outside I get some exercise. I bought a funny travel book about women’s mishaps while on the road. It’s a great book! I listen to upbeat music, music that inspires me and takes me to places I have been and those I have yet to discover. I keep my mind looking ahead. Valentines Day, my BIRTHDAY (3/17), Spring, the sun shining on my face, wearing sundresses again and doing what my soul desires most….traveling!
So my friends… Vitamin D….its a must!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
His Voice
Knowing His voice has to be the most important thing to me. Years ago I struggled not hearing His voice and knowing many friends and family who were familiar with it. I questioned everything because I didn’t know it at that point. Frustrated with this I one day decided I too will hear Him. This occurred at a time when I felt like the “bottom” of my life had been pulled out and I was grasping for something to hang on to. My relationship deepened with the Lord and I was determined to know and be familiar with Him.
And then I heard it. Clear as ever I knew it was His voice and He was speaking to me. Before moving to Chicago He told me what to expect and my dear friend Becky told me to write it down. I’m glad I did because when I find myself frustrated, confused or down I go back and read all that the Lord shared and I remember that He was preparing me back then for all I’m experiencing now. With that, strength fills me and I know my path is as it should be and I’m OK.
Recently the Lord told me to do something. At first I was shocked, and then I said OK Lord I will. I asked if I would be hurt and He told me I wouldn’t. He asked if I trust Him. Yes Lord I do. I have been obedient to what His requests had been that night and peace fills me. Do I know how all of this will play out? No. But I know that God is in control and my trust lies with Him. He told me certain things will occur and I may not know the details or how it will happen but that’s none of my concern. I was asked if I trusted Him, and YES I do.
I can be without my friends and family. I can be apart from all that is familiar. My life can take twists and turns that challenge me and I may question the purpose of some situations. But one thing I'm certain is that I cannot live without my Father, my Lord, my guide, comforter and my confidant. My time…my quiet time with the Lord, wherever it may occur is the most precious to me.
Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in His love; He will sing and be joyful about you.”
And then I heard it. Clear as ever I knew it was His voice and He was speaking to me. Before moving to Chicago He told me what to expect and my dear friend Becky told me to write it down. I’m glad I did because when I find myself frustrated, confused or down I go back and read all that the Lord shared and I remember that He was preparing me back then for all I’m experiencing now. With that, strength fills me and I know my path is as it should be and I’m OK.
Recently the Lord told me to do something. At first I was shocked, and then I said OK Lord I will. I asked if I would be hurt and He told me I wouldn’t. He asked if I trust Him. Yes Lord I do. I have been obedient to what His requests had been that night and peace fills me. Do I know how all of this will play out? No. But I know that God is in control and my trust lies with Him. He told me certain things will occur and I may not know the details or how it will happen but that’s none of my concern. I was asked if I trusted Him, and YES I do.
I can be without my friends and family. I can be apart from all that is familiar. My life can take twists and turns that challenge me and I may question the purpose of some situations. But one thing I'm certain is that I cannot live without my Father, my Lord, my guide, comforter and my confidant. My time…my quiet time with the Lord, wherever it may occur is the most precious to me.
Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in His love; He will sing and be joyful about you.”
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Pressed Down….
Have you ever felt like you were being pressed from every corner? I move right and I’m pressed, turn left and pressed again and just when I move forward I’m pressed down.
I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and I couldn’t get to my knees fast enough. Broken I fell and cried out…but words failed me. As the tears continued to flow I laid it down at the alter and surrendered my heart, life, dreams and will knowing that it will only be the Lord who can make it ALL come to pass. “Is my life not pleasing to you Lord?” “Have I offended you?” “How much more can I be pressed down?” “How much more must I be broken?”
I trust you Lord!! I don’t understand why it has been so difficult and I don’t know why I feel like I’m standing on quicksand, but I will declare day after day that I TRUST YOU!
I couldn’t pull myself off the floor, as I knelt down continuing to feel the tears flow I realized this: As I’m waiting I will praise you! I am not defeated. 2 Cor. 12:9 “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” You will give me my hearts desires…because you love me. Ps. 84:11 “… no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”
I am a warrior. We are all warriors, those who trust the Lord and pursue a passionate life beyond all that they could have ever dreamt or imagined. But while I feel pressed, crushed and broken I don’t think I resemble a mighty warrior. Where are my weapons? I honestly don’t think I have any. I only posses this unfailing trust that the Lord is in control, that He is leading me on the path that He has chosen for me and …. I will follow Him! My face isn’t beautiful. Tears streak my face and my eyes are swollen but I lift my head to the sky and pray that His Glory shine on me.
So as I face each giant on my path I know I am not alone and that He will equip me to defeat and conquer every giant that stands in my way.
I trust My Dream Giver!
I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and I couldn’t get to my knees fast enough. Broken I fell and cried out…but words failed me. As the tears continued to flow I laid it down at the alter and surrendered my heart, life, dreams and will knowing that it will only be the Lord who can make it ALL come to pass. “Is my life not pleasing to you Lord?” “Have I offended you?” “How much more can I be pressed down?” “How much more must I be broken?”
I trust you Lord!! I don’t understand why it has been so difficult and I don’t know why I feel like I’m standing on quicksand, but I will declare day after day that I TRUST YOU!
I couldn’t pull myself off the floor, as I knelt down continuing to feel the tears flow I realized this: As I’m waiting I will praise you! I am not defeated. 2 Cor. 12:9 “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” You will give me my hearts desires…because you love me. Ps. 84:11 “… no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”
I am a warrior. We are all warriors, those who trust the Lord and pursue a passionate life beyond all that they could have ever dreamt or imagined. But while I feel pressed, crushed and broken I don’t think I resemble a mighty warrior. Where are my weapons? I honestly don’t think I have any. I only posses this unfailing trust that the Lord is in control, that He is leading me on the path that He has chosen for me and …. I will follow Him! My face isn’t beautiful. Tears streak my face and my eyes are swollen but I lift my head to the sky and pray that His Glory shine on me.
So as I face each giant on my path I know I am not alone and that He will equip me to defeat and conquer every giant that stands in my way.
I trust My Dream Giver!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
I know....
So I’ve been here for about six months and we are now into winter, this is what I know:
1.Don’t eat the yellow snow! (Ok I think everyone knows that)
2.That when it snows then rains then snows and rains again, that is a mixture for ICE!
3.When it’s so cold you ask the age old question “Do I really need it NOW?” to the basic needs of your home i.e. milk, eggs, toilet paper, etc.
4.It’s hard to stay “cute” and “fashionable” and stay warm during winter….I’ve been told it’s just not possible and I refuse to buy into the lie…but they might be right. (Don’t tell)
5.And you still have a choice to be happy or miserable. I can be upset about having to go outside in the cold or I can bundle up and get whatever needs to be done as quickly as possible so that I can return home and be warm once again.
“Were not in Kansas anymore Toto”
I feel that way as we are inching ourselves into winter here in the Windy City. I’ve been told that January and February are the coldest months and that I haven’t felt anything yet. Huh?! Are you kidding me?!
The girls and I are trying to adjust as gracefully as possible but it’s not always very graceful. I don’t think me walking like a penguin down the street, trying not to fall on the ice qualifies me as graceful. But this is my life for the next 4 to 5 years.
Tomorrow is Christmas and right now as I’m writing this entry my family is all at my Tia Martha’s home, enjoying great food and the warm company of family near and far. Do I wish I was there? Sure I do…but this is my life and I’m grateful I’m here.
So….no regrets! My only request is:
Lord keep me from the danger of myself. Keep me balanced Lord. Let me not be so ambitious that I leave you behind and in return lose it all. I don’t want this city if you’re not with me, I don’t want all I desire if I in return I have neglected my relationship with you. It’s your love that that gives me wings, your joy that strengthens me to continue forward, your peace that secures me when everything else is falling apart, its You that I seek and long to be with. You have been my healer and beacon…I move toward You….and I move with a purpose!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Ready. Set. GO!
The speed of my life has not slowed down and with the New Year fast approaching there are no plans of the pace changing, if anything it will increase. The past two weeks I have been rushing here and there. And on my days off I’m still out and about getting all that is needed in our home. The weather is extremely cold and every time I step out I am reminded that my California clothes will not due. Thanks to my sweet friend Jean she has made life a little more comfortable and we are eternally grateful for her generosity. Our beds are warm thanks to the flannel sheets she sent us and I’m staying a bit warmer with the thermals that she also gifted.
Last week we had the first snow of the season and the girls and I were like kids….looking and playing in the snow as if we had lived in the Sierra Dessert all our lives, it was comical. But we have all found a comfortable routine and everyone does their part.
The busyness of my schedule posed a problem. My time with the Lord was not like before and I feared I would allow that to continue. One day while at work I was telling the Lord how much I missed our time together, He said “I’m here, we can spend time now” and that is what I did.
Later on my ride home on the bus the Lord showed me that just like a marriage when changes happen couples get creative on how they spend time together. He shared that my schedule will only increase with the New Year and that I need to embrace the thought and flow with it. He also said that “we” just need to find new ways of enjoying time together. I love my Lord and how He guides me through my new life here….I am not alone!
Psalm 31:23a-24
“Love the Lord, all His saints! The Lord preserves the faithful….”
“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”
Last week we had the first snow of the season and the girls and I were like kids….looking and playing in the snow as if we had lived in the Sierra Dessert all our lives, it was comical. But we have all found a comfortable routine and everyone does their part.
The busyness of my schedule posed a problem. My time with the Lord was not like before and I feared I would allow that to continue. One day while at work I was telling the Lord how much I missed our time together, He said “I’m here, we can spend time now” and that is what I did.
Later on my ride home on the bus the Lord showed me that just like a marriage when changes happen couples get creative on how they spend time together. He shared that my schedule will only increase with the New Year and that I need to embrace the thought and flow with it. He also said that “we” just need to find new ways of enjoying time together. I love my Lord and how He guides me through my new life here….I am not alone!
Psalm 31:23a-24
“Love the Lord, all His saints! The Lord preserves the faithful….”
“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”
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